The scary thing is: You probably don’t even know it’s happening.
The worst part of being manipulated in a relationship is that quite
often you don’t even know it’s happening.
Manipulative people twist your
thoughts, actions, wants and desires into something that better suits
how they see the world and they mold you into someone that serves their
own purposes. Scary, right?
Here’s a few biggies to look out for to make sure it’s not happening to you:
1. He makes you feel guilty … for everything.
Manipulation always start with guilt. If he can convince you to feel
guilty for your actions (even when you’ve done nothing wrong), then he
knows you’ll be more willing to do what he says. “I mean sure, I guess
dinner was OK. It wasn’t’t what I was hoping for and I would have rather
done something different but I guess as long as you’re happy, that’s
all that matters. I love you and it’s important to me that you are
happy, even if that means setting aside what I want.”
See what he did there? How he turned that around you? On the surface,
he makes it seem like he’s a loving boyfriend but spoiler alert: guilt
is not love. Manipulators also try and make you believe that they’re
doing a better job of “loving you,” so that you’ll be more willing to
set aside what you want in order to feel like you “love him just as
much.” It’s a sick mind game.
2. He forces his insecurities on you.
Manipulators will often force their own insecurities on you in an
effort to control how you react towards him. “I’ve been cheated on
before and that’s why I don’t want you to have any male friends. You can
understand that, right?” Yes, of course you can understand that (and
you should be conscious of his insecurities), but his struggles should
not define the functionality of your relationship.
“I’m sorry I acted that way but I’m just so scared that you will
leave me!” is an excuse that’s often used by manipulators when you point
out flaws in his actions. The sheer purpose of that excuse is to take
the focus off of your worries and suck you back into this.
There’s a fine line between showing consideration for his feelings
and being manipulated into feeling what he wants you to feel.
Consideration is shown with love while manipulation is ruled by guilt.
3. He makes you doubt yourself.
Want to know why it’s so easy for him to be manipulated? Because he’s
mind-f*cked you to the point where you no longer trust yourself. That’s
right, manipulators take your insecurities and use them against you.
They consistently point out what you’re doing “wrong” and how they could
have done it better.
They point out your weaknesses, then show you that with their help,
you can do better, be better. They slowly convince you they have your
best interests in mind … but they don’t. They have their best interests
in mind. And in order to keep their wants and needs at the forefront of
your relationship, they gently twist your thinking until you look to him
for guidance on everything.
Once that happens, manipulators can make you basically do whatever
they want you to because you now trust them more than you trust
yourself.
4. He makes you responsible for his own emotions.
Manipulators are ironic in the sense that they spend quite a bit of
time making you feel as if you can’t think for yourself but then turn
around and make you responsible for all of their emotions. If they feel
sad, it’s probably because you made them feel that way. If they’re
angry, well, you had better check yourself because you obviously did
something wrong.
For as much as they take away from you and for as much as they make
you believe that you’re totally incapable of controlling your own life,
they expect you to be responsible for how they feel. INSANE.
5. He makes you believe that you want what he wants.
We all start out relationships with requirements and deal-breakers
but it’s natural, as you start to blend two lives, that compromises are
made. What’s NOT normal: When you have to completely set aside what you
want and need in an effort to appease your partner. If you start to
realize your partner’s needs are being met far more often than yours
are, you might be married to a manipulator.
Are you giving in to what he wants out of feelings of guilt or
because he has made you feel responsible for the way he feels? Have you
given up what YOU want because he’s made you believe that you should
want something else? If you have answered “yes” to any of those
questions, you might want to reconsider the relationship.
